What It’s Like To Have Heart, Beat Fast Uncontrollably

Heart health isn't just about heart attacks and cardiac arrest, it's also about understanding the heartbeat you live with everyday. My heart rate has always been something I could feel, but there's a vast difference between just feeling your heartbeat and feeling like your heart is racing completely out of your control. My body can feel like it just ran a mile when I’ve barely moved. 

Last year, I was diagnosed with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). POTS is a condition involving the autonomic nervous system which helps control automatic functions in the body, including heart rate and blood pressure. One of the defining features of POTS is an abnormal increase in heart rate after standing. This can come with symptoms such as dizziness, lightheadedness, fatigue, weakness and feeling as if your heart is racing or pounding. 

There are moments where I can be standing or simply going about my day when suddenly, I become intensely aware of my heartbeat. Knowing the textbook definition of POTS still doesn’t necessarily explain what it feels like to live with it. The constant trips to the cardiologist and ER, the flare ups, the treatment plans. It's exhausting, and can feel like too much. 

Living with POTS has changed the way I think about health. Now, I notice things I never used to think about. My heartbeat, how my body reacts, when I know I need to slow down. I’ve learned that listening to your body isn't a weakness. 

There are so many people living with conditions that affect them everyday that aren’t immediately visible to everyone around them. That's why awareness starts with understanding. Managing daily life and symptoms that no one else can see is often isolating and hard to deal with. 

My experience with POTS has taught me that the heart is something we experience everyday, and when something changes, it can affect nearly every part of our lives. Even though my heart may race when I wish it wouldn’t, through it, I learned that every heartbeat tells a story even when no one else can hear it.